Can't you just LISTEN?!

You talk, I listen.

I talk, you listen.

It's a conversation, right? Seems pretty simple, doesn't it?

If you're in a helping profession, learning to listen was part of your training.

So how come so few of us do it? And what in the world are we doing instead?!

And what is listening, anyway?

Listening is focusing on the other person,
paying close attention, and
hearing with the intention to understand.

Get clear on your intention, and notice what you're doing.

If you're listening to respond (agree, disagree or solve), you're not listening. You're only paying enough attention to formulate your reply. Mainly you're waiting for an opportunity to interrupt so you can put in your two cents' worth.

You're not focused on the person in front of you. You're focused on yourself: your opinions, your ideas, your arguments, your comments. After all, they're more interesting, aren't they?

Believe it or not, this isn't what most people want. Your clients, co-workers and boss may want nothing more than to be heard and understood.

Listening - really listening - isn't something most of us practice in our day-to-day lives. After all, it's time-consuming. And when the answer is so obvious to us, why in the world would we frustrate ourselves by remaining quiet and focused?

Because by being a quiet, attentive listener, we can create the safety and space others need to come to their own answers.

So how can you rein in your unruly mind and just listen? Questions like these may help:

• What does this person want?
• Is he/she asking for advice or my opinion?
• Do I feel compelled to speak to ease my own frustration?
• What don't I know or understand? And is there a question I could ask to learn more?

And if you really want to hone your listening skills to help others, read Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It's an easy read, and is one of the best books I've ever read on the power of listening!