Six Things: Boundaries that lead to quality

William Glasser has created a simple tool called "Six Things" that will help you create quality while clarifying your own boundaries and let others know what they can - and can't - expect from you. Here's what you and others need to know about you in order for you to get along:

1.  Who you are.

2.  What you stand for.

3.  What you will do for and with them.

4.  What you will not do for them.

5.  What you will ask them to do.

6.  What you will not ask them to do.

This is a very simple, very powerful formula that you can use to set boundaries with anyone - but it does require some work and some thought. And you might want to consider leaving items off that you know you won't follow through on!

Here are some ideas about what you might want to include, from The Control Theory Manager by Glasser:

1.  Who you are.

Most of us tend to know very little about people except those we live with. While you are very important to those you manage, as a human being yuo may be a complete mystery. Not knowing the facts, they fantasize and may build a false image of you based on very little real knowledge. As dull as these may be to you, people are interested in mundane statistics such as your age; your marital status; whether or not you have children and, if so, their ages; whether you live in a house or an apartment; what kind of car you drive. Even more, they want to know about your interests in television program, music, and food, for example.

2.  What you stand for.

Do you attempt to practise what you preach, and is it difficult for you? Do you have a stand on what's going on in the world? What would you do about it if you could? Do you vote, and what do you do to get to know the candidates and issues? Respect is built out of satisfying knowledge as well as good treatment, and if people respect you, you can have a positive impact on them. 

3.  What you will ask them to do.

Let others know what you will ask them to do; never surprise them. Tell them that while you won't punish or put anyone down, you are going to ask them to work with you to solve any problem that arises, no matter how small. You are also much more interested in their solving their own problems than in your doing it for them. Encourage them to get together without you and then discuss the results with you.

4.  What you won't ask them to do.

Explain that, in a quality organization, you won't ask them to be subservient or to do things just because you say so. You want them to speak up and suggest how to do a job better, not to keep quiet. And explain that you won't ask them to do anything useless and, if they think a certain practice or procedure is useless, they should be sure to discuss it with you.

5.  What you will do for or with them.

Make it clear to them that you are available to help them learn and improve in any way you can or, if possible, in any way they want. You are always on their side, and it will never be you against them. Whenever possible, you will give them more time to figure something out or to do a better job, advise them on where to get help, or take off your coat, roll up your sleeves, and pitch in. If they have questions, you'll either answer them or find someone who can. If they have an idea about how to make things better, you'll take the time to listen. They're doing the work; you're doing all you can to support them.

6.  What you won't do for them.
You won't do their work or solve the problems they should solve themselves. You won't tell them what to do unless it's obvious that they need direct help. Mostly, you'll tell them that quality comes from their figuring it out, not from being told what to do. Let them know you're their leader, not their boss. More and more, you will stop evaluating their work and turn this job over to them. Explain that, to be successful in life, we must evaluate ourselves and work to improve. We cannot and should not depend on others to do this for us.

For a full description of these six key points, I'd recommend Glasser's The Control Theory Manager or Kenneth Pierce's Using Lead Management on Purpose.