Can we talk? - Putting an end to gossip

One of the most destructive workplace habits is gossip.

Nobody wants to be the subject of gossip - even when it's not malicious. But almost everyone participates. And gossip fosters an emotionally unsafe work environment because it usually involves blaming, complaining or criticizing.

There are hundreds of articles on why we gossip, but the focus of this article is how to stop it!

Gossip creates an unsafe work environment when -

• It's unsustantiated.
• It doesn't concern the gossiper and/or the listener.
• It calls the subject's credibility or reputation into question.

 Sai Baba provided an excellent checklist for monitoring our social chit-chat:

• Is it true?
• Is it necessary?
• Is it kind?
• Does it improve on the silence?

There are three things you can do to put an end to gossip:

• Don't start it.
• Don't pass it along.
• Don't listen to it.

Don't start it.
Even though you have control of what you say, you may find that giving up gossip is a hard habit to break. But you break the habit the same way you get to Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice!

Don't pass it along.
What do you do with the busybody who suspects you know what's really going on with Mary and is pressuring you to spill the beans? Here are a couple of my favourites. The second is a standard line that a friend of mine uses:

• "I think it'd be best if you asked her yourself."
• "That's not my story to tell."

Don't listen to it.
This may be the most challenging. After all, how can you stop someone from talking to you about someone else? While it's true that you can't control what others say, you can control your participation.

Depending on the context, here are some things you can say:

• "This is none of my business."
• "I'm not comfortable with this conversation."
• "I'd rather not talk about Tom when he's not here to speak for himself."
• "I hadn't heard that. Let's go ask him/her about it."
• "Are you going to the workshop Friday?"
• "Excuse me. I need to get back to work."
• "I don't like gossip, and I won't listen to it."

And, given that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, don't invite the office gossip out to lunch!

I find this poem helps me stay on track:

There's so much good in the worst of us

And so much bad in the best of us,

That it ill behooves any of us

To talk about the rest of us!

What's worked for you? We'd love to know!